Everyone always told me that the Purification will change my life. They always said that’s a good thing. I never fully believed them, I learned before most that people lie about that kind of thing, so they can convince themselves that everything will be okay. It’s not easy to spot that kind of lie. The kind that even I want to convince myself is true. It’s easier to convince yourself to believe that the Purification will be a good change then spend seventeen years dreading the thing that almost no one can escape. Most people believe the lies, that the Purification is some kind of miracle, but I’ve always been suspicious by nature. That’s what led me to have mixed feelings about the Purification. There’s no doubt that the Purification has helped our world when it was at the brink of crumbling. Yet, at the same time, can something that steals your identity be a good thing? Even so, it doesn’t really matter what I think, I’ll get the Purification just like everyone else. And right before the operation I’ll have convinced myself that it is, in fact, a good change.
“Eva?” A distant voice snaps me into reality and I blink, glancing over at my sister, Elaine.
I’m in our dormitory, hanging upside down from the edge of my bed, Elaine sits on the floor next to my bed, her big blue eyes staring into mine. Our dormitory is pretty bland, with matching sets of beds, dressers, and closets. The exception is my bookshelf, stuffed haphazardly with dozens of books.
“Hey, Elaine,” I reply with a smile, pulling myself right side up and trying to push away any thoughts of the Purification to the farthest corner of my brain.
“What were you thinking about?” She asks softly, rising and coming to sit next to me.
“The Purification,” I don’t want to talk about it, but I tell Elaine everything.
“Oh,” Elaine mumbles so softly I barely catch it. I turn slightly to get a better view of Elaine, and study her. Her light, curly brown hair, the same color as mine, hangs loosely around her shoulders, light reflects from her eyes, making them shine. She’s nine and the sweetest kid I’ve ever met. I turn away from Elaine and onto the clock hanging between our beds.
“Dinner’s in five minutes. Lexie should be here soon,” Elaine murmurs, following my gaze. I nod, turning to my bedside table and grabbing my book. I discovered I loved reading a few years ago, when I was around Elaine’s age. Now, I read all the time. I only read the classics though, books set in worlds so different from my own it’s funny.
“To Kill a Mockingbird,” Elaine reads the title aloud, slowly. I trace the words slowly with my finger. We sit in silence for a moment, staring down at the book. It doesn’t take long for my mind to wander away from To Kill a Mockingbird and to the Purification. It’s all I can think about right now, it’s all any seventeen year old can think about right now.
“I don’t want you to leave,” Elaine says the words quietly. She leans against me and I wrap my arm around her shoulder. I don’t reply. I don’t really know what to say, I’ve thought about that a lot. The fact that when I get the Purification I’ll leave Elaine behind, and she’ll get a new roommate. One who won’t know her like I do. Someone who won’t protect Elaine from the stories that the Purification is the best thing that will ever happen to her. Elaine is the center of my mixed feelings about the operation, if it wasn’t for her, I’d probably have believed more of the lies. The door to our dormitory swings open at this moment and Lexie Scott, my best friend, stalks into the room. Lexie drops down next to me on the bed.
“How are you two still in here, Ev!?” She demands, tossing her blond hair off her shoulders.
“It’s almost nine o’clock!” For Lexie, who’s an early riser, getting out of bed after seven thirty is a crime.
“Breakfast started two hours ago!” She sighs dramatically and crosses her arms.
“We’re coming, Lex,” Elaine assures her, smiling. I carefully place my book back on the bedside table and stand up to follow Lexie from the room. We’re moving through the hallways and down to the cafeteria when a voice sounds behind us.
“Lexie!” We turn to see the fourth and final member of our little group, Rhett Turner, running towards us. Lexie’s features fill with worry as Rhett closes the distance between them and bends to whisper something in her ear. Lexie purses her lips slightly as he speaks, then she nods. Rhett’s tired, half covered by his jet black hair, brown eyes, find mine and he gives me a half-hearted attempt at a smile.
“Hey, Eva. Hi, Elaine,”. I try to return his smile, and fail. Elaine says nothing, avoiding his gaze. Things have been… different, ever since Rhett’s little brother, Hunter, ran away. He’d left a note saying that he was leaving the US and going to the Wilds to escape the Purification. That was two weeks ago, we have no idea what happened to him.
“So… breakfast?” Rhett asks, shoving his hands into his pockets.
“Yeah!” Lexie says, her normal over-the-top grin reappearing on her face. Lexie runs ahead of us with Elaine, and I hang back with Rhett. I don’t ask Rhett what he told Lexie, I’m pretty sure I don’t want to know. The best way to describe Lexie and Rhett is, unpredictability, on and off. Some days their friends, some days their more. It changes so often, most of the time I never know if they’re on or off. Lexie and I may be best friends, but we don’t talk about Rhett. It’s just some kind of unspoken rule between us.
“So, the Purification,” I say through a sigh.
Rhett’s gaze turns distant for a moment. “Yeah, the Purification,”
“I’ll never be ready for it,” Rhett answers the question reflected in my face.
“Me neither,” I whisper back, realizing it’s the truth. I still can’t decide if the Purification will be a good change or not, but either way I won’t be ready. I’ll never be ready to leave Elaine.
“Have you ever wondered how the Purification can be okay if we don’t get a say in it. And if it takes away who we are?” Rhett asks suddenly.
“All the time,” I reply immediately. And it’s true. I never quite understood why the Purification was mandatory. Sure, teachers have always told us that it’s to stop the suffering and death from before, but the Purification isn’t just some change that all eighteen year olds go through. It’s an operation, one that transforms your entire identity.
You see, sixty years ago there was a runaway greenhouse gas effect that overheated the Earth’s atmosphere. The ramifications were catastrophic, human life became difficult to support and plant life near-impossible to support. People were starving and suicide rates were though the roof. So the US came up with the most advanced operation in human history, a Purification. Something that completely suppresses your emotions, and it worked. The Purification patients could still feel things, like pain or flashes of adrenaline. But not emotions. Not happiness or anger or sadness or grief. Or anything that would cause us to feel the dangerous emotions that can lead to drastic measures. And just like that the suicides stopped, death rates plummeted. It was a miracle. Eventually, scientists were able to artificially cool down the atmosphere by using some kind of solar geoengineering, but the Purification worked so well that the US kept it. Now, sixty years later, I’m awaiting my turn at the Purification.
“What are you thinking about?”
I gasp slightly as Rhett’s soft voice brings me back to the present.
“The operation?” Rhett guesses when I don’t reply. I give him a slow nod.
“It’s hard not to think about it,” I add after a second’s thought. Rhett hums in agreement.
We’re both quiet for a moment then he asks, “Have you ever thought about running away?”